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Tell, telling, foretold

My Sunday morning photo shoot cancelled. I had business with another client that we conducted over breakfast at the Breakfast Nook. The place was great and the light filtering in through the windows onto my friend really made me want to grab my camera and start shooting. Thinking that I was heading to a shoot after breakfast made me hold off and just enjoy the breakfast, the company and the play of light and the early morning textures.

I checked my phone on the way to the shoot and found a text message from the client explaining that a sudden illness prevented the morning’s shoot. Oh well, I was fed and hadn’t planned anything else so I headed home and jumped on the treadmill.

I have told you why I haven’t been flying lately. Let me tell it straight: I am afraid. I have had a sense of foreboding that wanes but never really leaves. It has diminished significantly lately and, with the absolutely beautiful weather that we have been given, I have been seriously considering getting airborne.

Finishing my run, I decided to take out the motor and just do it. If the pre-flight inspection went well and the motor ran OK then I would fly that evening. I was getting excited about flying. It had been too long and the conditions were perfect!

I brought the motor out onto the driveway, gave it the once over and pulled the starter. And pulled the starter. And pulled the starter… and, surprisingly, it started! Not bad for sitting for several weeks since the last time it was started… not to mention that the gas in it was 6 months old!

I pulled the throttle and … BANG!… pieces flew out in all directions. Large and small pieces of bakelite were strewn across the driveway. I hit the kill switch and realized that I would not be flying this evening.

I packed the motor back into the garage and loaded the mower into the car. I figured that if I couldn’t fly, the least I could do was go mow the field.

And while I mowed I wondered… is someone telling me that I shouldn’t be flying? Was tonight’s breakdown just a coincidence? Like my sudden, irrational fear, was this breakdown somehow keeping me safe? Do I keep pushing myself into the sky or do I just admit that there are forces out there that are telling me to stop?

Tell me, will they continue telling me not to fly or will they reach a point where all has been foretold? And it’s all up to me… to just listen.